Mental barriers!

What have I learned since starting this blog, interacting with others, and reading their blogs….I am not alone!

The experiences I’ve had, the thoughts that filled my brain, the ways I let other people shape my opinions of myself are not proprietorially mine. So many others have the same experiences, and the same feelings about themselves.  These insecurities also come in all shapes, sizes, and all colors of the rainbow. It seems no one is exempt from feeling down on themselves. That realization was very disheartening. The world around us, whether it is the media or other people, is affecting our own feelings.

Society cannot be control. It is just not possible. We find a way to take back our self-esteem; they’ll find a way to pull the rug out from under our feet. When we finally decide to start loving ourselves and forming empowerment communities; there will be people who will try and knock it down because for some reason they don’t like this. Fat = bad and dam us for trying to change that! Why do people want others to remain miserable? I don’t know. I’ll never understand this. I guess it’s like the saying goes…misery loves company.

I no longer feel stupid for having my thoughts and feelings. At a previous job there was this employee who was extremely lazy. They would show up whenever, sleep in a back office, play music, and leave work for long periods of time on breaks. They were very difficult to work with. One day they got into some trouble and decided the best course of action was to complain about others. A few people were called into the office and questioned. As a result all the previous transgressions were put out in the open (don’t throw stones at someone pushing a wheelbarrow!).  The boss said that there is a difference between one person complaining about everyone and many people complaining about one person.  Since many people had the same complaints it was considered a problem. This person was then let go.

What’s my point?

Simple. I shouldn’t feel stupid for my feelings since many people are feeling the same. We’re not just making it up. We are a large group of strangers coming together on an internet space because we feel the need to vent, seek support, tell our stories of recovery, whatever it may be. How can it be that so many people have the same complaints? Where is it all coming from? Think about that.

“I hate being fat…

I hate everything about it

I hate how hard it makes daily living

and how many mental barriers I have to fight through just to do what others do

And I hate having to justify everything to myself because I feel like I owe the world to lose weight” (Baker, p. 76)

I am currently reading a book by Jes Baker called Things no one will tell fat girls.” I find myself relating to pretty much everything she talks about and the quote above really resonated with me. This was my mind set. To some degree it still is.

The part in the quote that really hit me was when she says “I hate how hard it makes daily living and how many mental barriers I have to fight through just to do what others do.” OMG how this is true! I am one big mental barrier blockage. Things that come so easy for others (or at least in my head I think it comes easy) is so difficult for me. To keep a positive perspective here is a list of the challenges I took:

Things that I conquered this past year:

Wearing dresses

Wearing skirts

Wearing shorts

Wearing leggings

Wearing knee-high boots

Wearing tank tops

Wearing a tankini

Wearing red lipstick

Going to a Zumba class

Running at the gym

Running for a bus

Taking full body pictures

Blogging!

I’m sure there are others but these stick out the most. None of this came easy. For instance, the day I wore batman leggings. I felt like such a fool going outside in these pants. What was I thinking? Batman leggings are clearly for people with thin legs. People will laugh at me and point! I must have asked my boyfriend a hundred times if I looked stupid or should I change. It is so hard to be me sometimes! Why must I put stock in the opinion of strangers! Why can’t I just walk out the door with my head held high like, “Yeah that’s right I’m wearing batman leggings and what is it to you?”

It took half the day for me to get comfortable and stop looking at people to see if they were looking at me.  You see pictures of me and I am smiling but in my head is a whole other circus! I still have many other ridiculous fears I need to squash! In time I will and negative comments will roll off my back.

That is what we need to ultimately learn. Society can’t be changed. There will always be someone who has something negative to say. What we can change is how we perceive it. Grow a thicker skin. Once they see their negativity no longer affects us maybe then it will go away. Either way we shouldn’t care! Do you!

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19 thoughts on “Mental barriers!

  1. I think it’s awesome that you are tackling your fears! Be confident in who God created you to be 🙂 You’re right, there will always be someone that gets pleasure from your pain but – one day you’ll realize how pathetic that is and instead of feeling hurt you will feel sorry for them. I want Batman leggings ha. Where did you get them?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Bravo for your courage to come out and say what you did. I am glad that you spoke from the heart. I have flaws myself – the one that is most embarrassing are my teeth. I have not been able to afford to go to a dentist regularly, which is why my teeth are in such horrible condition. They have broken and whatnot, so I do not smile unless it is with my mouth closed. I used to smile a lot when my teeth were nice. It is so embarrassing.

    I want you to know that, although people tell you that you should be a certain way, do not listen to them. You are you, not them. Be true to yourself and do not care what others think about you. If they say you are fat, just say, at least I will be warm in the winter. 🙂 Keep that positive attitude going. I know it is hard, but you can do it. It is said, “Beauty is skin deep, ugly is to the bone.” What is most important is what is on the INSIDE, not the outside. Keep your chin held high.

    By the way, I love Louise L. Hays books. You want to hear something funny? My late grandmother’s first name is Louise, her married last name is Hayes. How cool is that! 🙂 When I saw Louise L. Hays’ books, I had to do a double take. I thought my mind was playing tricks on me. 🙂 I had to look at the picture, just to make sure that my Granny had not sneaked and authored a book, without letting me know about it. Lol

    I see it as my Granny letting me know she is always with me. 🙂 God Bless You, Stephie.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’ve been pretty lucky to not have my weight significantly affect my day-to-day life in a physical capacity (my knee, which has damage that is *not* related to my weight, causes more problems), but, yeah, the feeling that you need to justify your choices!! Whether it’s taking the elevator because my knee is bugging me or eating something more substantial than salad. Sometimes, it’s really exhausting. I know I do it to myself and shouldn’t worry about what others think, but it’s hard to escape. I may have to pick up that book and see what else she has to say.

    Also, rock on with the Batman leggings!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Pingback: Throwback Thursday: Reflecting on 2015! | When I thought I was fat!

  5. Pingback: Throwback Thursday: Closet memories | When I thought I was fat!

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