You bled me

Today’s daily word prompt was Envy. This brought me back to a time when I was envious of skinny women. My ex desperately wanted me to look and fit into that paradigm but it never came to fruition. He even once bought me size 10 clothing from New York and Company that my size 22/24 rear was never going to fit into. He hung them up as a “inspiration” for me to aim my thin ambitions. This piece (good or bad) was written from a memory of a gawking out the window incident that had me feeling every little bit a tiny woman but not the tiny he wanted me to be. 

I saw you
looking at her.
A skinny little thing
who must not own a mirror
because her butt was hanging
out from her
shorts.

A blond girl
out for a walk.
Maybe looking for attention
you were so willing to give
despite the fact I was
sitting right
there.

You yelled
out to this chick
that you thought she was hot
while I was driving
feeling the pain
build up in my
gut.

For no matter how
many diets you put me on,
my thighs still touched,
my arms still jiggled,
and my back had more rolls
then you wanted to
accept.

You wanted me
to look like that girl
who you said you’d rather
been seen with
because she was
the opposite
of me.

Don’t you think
it is a little sad
that you can treat another
like she doesn’t exist
because she didn’t fit
your ideal of
beauty?

Why not end it
since I wasn’t your type?
Instead of carrying on
dragging me through mud
until I can no longer look
myself in the
mirror.

Tell me why
I was envious of a girl
who lived up to the standard
of a man who can hurt someone
without any
shame?

A man who
will never admit he did wrong.
Who can say at the end
as I walk out the door
“I am glad we were able
to end on good
terms.”

You say good terms!
But you bled me dry
of my self-esteem
until I was no longer needed
as you moved on to someone
more your
speed.

You left me
broken and numb
leading me right to the bed
of a man twice my age
who acted grateful to
have met
me.

He called me beautiful
but I didn’t believe
because if I was beautiful
how could I have been treated
like I didn’t
exist?

The damage you left
I feared would not be undone.
But that fling was my first lesson
that I am beautiful
just the way
I am.

For my thighs
will always touch
because they learned
to love each other
when I could
not.

And my arms
will always have wings
because they are on stand-by
for when I decide
to take
flight.

My back rolls
will always be waiting
to provide a place for gripping
whenever my love
is holding me
close.

That’s right
you read it correctly.
I found my true love.
You do not need
to adjust your
vision.

For I may not
be that skinny girl
you wanted me to become.
Instead I am all the woman
that my love
will ever
need.

 

Advertisements

13 thoughts on “You bled me

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s