I spend so much time talking about my first ex I want to talk a bit about my second. This is an overview of the issues. Feel free to ask questions and express interest in anything you’d like me to expand upon first!
Do you know what nerve is? A nerve is simply defined in the following ways:
- One of the many thin parts that control movement and feeling by carrying messages between the brain and other parts of the body.
- Courage that allows you to do something that is dangerous, difficult, or frightening.
- The rude attitude of someone who says or does things that make other people angry or upset… therefore refer to the first point because my exes got on every last one of mine!
My second relationship is a lesson ladies and gents that you should take time to yourself before attempting another relationship. Especially if the one you were just in was abusive in nature. When an abusive relationship ends sometimes the effects from it don’t show right away and will manifest in your next relationship. Taking time away and spending it with yourself and reconnecting with life before your senses were held hostage is oh so very important!
You cannot expect to be able to trust and love again when you are still feeling broken and vulnerable. I knew two months into the new relationship that it wasn’t going to work. Not because he was just a rebound… like he repeatedly told me he was… no no the bus driver was the rebound… not him… he was a lesson.
At the fourth month I asked my ex for some space. He fought me tooth and nail not to comply with my request which pushed me further and further away. What he didn’t understand was that I needed the space because I just couldn’t handle a relationship. I needed to decompose. When I finally did get my space and time I was able to really reflect on what was going on. I didn’t like him as a person. I am a believer that the way you treat other speaks volumes for you and his actions fell short. I suppose that is what he was afraid of.
Here are some of what bothered me and why I could not go forward.
1. He used Facebook and Instagram to air his pity party when the relationship began going south. He would claim it was not about me but all of our mutual friends knew who he was taking about give me a break! His complaint… basically because I didn’t love him back. Less than a month together and he is telling me he loves me and googling engagement rings on his phone.
So Facebook was flooded with the following proclamations
- He is unloved and how he has nothing to live for.
- His health is failing and doesn’t care because he lost the one person he thought he’d have the rest of his life.
- Now he’ll never have a family.
- He might as well end it.
- He was just a rebound.
You get the point.
So maybe you are thinking “Wow what a bitch!”
You cannot force someone to be in a relationship they no longer want to be in or are not ready for. I needed space to figure out what I wanted. I was becoming more depressed as time passed until I finally went and did a therapy intake 3 months after I knew I was done with the relationship. I was crying every dam day and that relationship brought me nothing but aggravation. His pity parties every time I wanted to talk about a subject that had absolutely NOTHING to do with him got tiring. This behavior is what finally made it about him! He could never grasp this.
Yes I understand I am essentially airing my grievances to you my wonderful readers but this is different! I’m telling my life story as a way to help others who may be going through similar situations… not guilt someone into staying in a relationship they don’t want to be in because you don’t want to be alone.
So what was the final nail in the relationship?
It was his behavior at my grandfather’s wake and funeral. Approximately 2 or 3 days after I asked him to please give me some space my grandfather passed away from Alzheimer. He shows up to the wake and funeral and pretty much makes a scene.
The day of the church service I am sitting in the pew and when he approached the pews I asked if he was going to sit next to me… his reply? In the nastiest tone and look on his face he could muster he said… with his nose literally up in the air…. No I am giving you your space…. SO THEN WHY DID YOU SHOW UP! While I am crying for my grandfather he was behind me crying for himself because he knew he fucked up. My favorite part was when he tried to turn it on me… like he always did… and tell Facebook and Instagram how I acted like he wasn’t there and how I wasn’t paying him attention at the wake…. WHAT? REALLY? It is a wake for my grandfather… I was in mourning… I’m not there to entertain you!
2. Besides his treatment of me… his treatment of others
- Told me a story once where him and his coworkers found a psych patient hiding in a laundry bin and spun it in circles laughing
- Told me stories about customers at work that he got into arguments with and cursed out
- Called out his friends on Facebook when they didn’t hang out with him or answer his text messages
Is this how a normal person treats others? Especially those who cannot help themselves like the psych patient? NO! This rubbed me the wrong way and I knew I could never be with someone like this.
3. Threatening suicide since I didn’t want to be with him
- Sent a text message of a photo of an oncoming train saying he should have jumped in front of it
- Emails saying his doctor said he had 6 months left to live
- He bought a gun and was going to kill himself (I went to the cops with this last one)
My favorite was his parting words of “I hope the universe beats you like ____ did” The blank is my first exes name. Class act I know like where do I find these people!
Neither one of my exes will admit to being abusive yet their actions lead you right to there. They were both borderline personality disorder or narcissistic in nature. I don’t have a psychology degree but I’m going by actions.
They also both had a lot of nerve to treat me the way they did… which got on my nerves and provided me with the nerve to want to leave… get it J I was far more successful the second time around with the leaving part!
With that said… am I being a hypocrite? Should I stop blogging about this kind of stuff? It is very therapeutic which helps me flush it out of me as I move forward with life.
What are your thoughts?