Is it really “just words”

I have been quiet on here lately due to school work but also because I’ve been waning back and forth on whether or not I would post about the election here in the US. It’s been causing me a bit of stress and just an overall burden on my mental health.

****I am just expressing my feelings. Vote for whomever tickles your fancy****

Things I don’t want to hear

  1. You’re in control of your emotions
  2. You’re overreacting
  3. No one can make you feel anyway
  4. Just chill
  5. You’re being too sensitive

One does not simply heal from emotional scars overnight and to expect someone too is unrealistic.

This is NOT about political correctness. It’s about basic human decency and nothing I will say is original. I’ve been nothing but upfront and open about my past pain.

I hate the fact that I am here once again feeling the need to explain myself but alas my criticisms have been very one-sided and here is why. I get it. Hillary is not a perfect person and no I am not a fan of her as a choice but I can’t stomach Donald Trump even more and it is on a personal level. Donald Trump is not “just saying mean things” when he calls women pigs or when he talks about basically sexually assaulting women. At least not for me and I am sure many of women who been through similar situations.

As you know from my previous posts I was in a relationship with a misogynistic narcissist bully who talked to me like I was a nothing piece of crap. My physical wounds have mostly healed but my emotional ones still linger on.

Was it just words when I was told “I guess you have a pretty face but that’s it”

Was it just words when I was told “You’re an embarrassment if my students see me with you they will make fun of me”

Was it just words when I was told “You can’t eat for a week because you’re fat and disgusting to look at”

Was it just words when I was told “Just one year I would like to go to the beach with someone who doesn’t look like a beached whale”

Was it just words when I was told “I bought you small clothes so maybe you will be motivated to lose weight”

Was it just words when I was told “You don’t even look like a girl”

Was it just words when I was told “Walk far behind me I can’t be seen with you”

Was it just words when I was told “You are a worthless sorry excuse for a woman”

Because of all these “just words” the phrase “I’m sorry” comes out of my mouth like a reflex 

Because of all these “just words” I constantly ask people if they are mad at me

Because of all these “just words” I walk on eggshells and don’t defend myself

Because of all these “just words” I take everything as a personal attack and blame myself for things that aren’t even my fault

Because of all these “just words” I constantly feel the need to explain myself

Because of all these “just words” I was having serious conversations with myself on whether or not life was worth living because I couldn’t take all the put downs any longer

Because of all these “just words” I felt that was my only option at the time to make the abuse stop

I can go on and on but I’ll end here. If you’d like to read more about my past search my tags Domestic Abuse and Emotional Abuse.

So as you can imagine every time Donald Trump opens his mouth to say he has respect for women I get bad tightness in my chest and feel like I’ve been punched in the stomach. Tears well up and I can’t stop them from happening. So while I cannot wait for this circus show to end… the idea of him winning scares me because it is not “just words”

Don’t know what I am talking about… take a listen to these

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9 thoughts on “Is it really “just words”

  1. 😦 This reminded me of a friend who said her dad refused to walk with her because he was embarrassed by her size. She was 13. Now a woman in her 30’s, she’s never had self confidence and has mental health issues. These men are a disgrace 😦

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I am always so thankful that you have the courage to share your past experiences so openly. Every time I read them, they break my heart and I just want to give you the biggest hug and tell you that you are amazing and beautiful and lovely and wish that you didn’t have to have these memories. But then I also know that these posts are being read by someone who has suffered in the same way and they will be helpful to them. And your strong sense of self is going to make the world of difference to them! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Words are never “just words”… I am scared as hell, too, about this election. I cannot understand how anyone can possibly justify voting for him (can’t even bear to type his name). I’m behind you 100% with everything you’ve said here. Oh, I’m 100% behind you on pretty much everything you’ve ever said!

    Liked by 1 person

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