Still I Rise

Still I Rise

Still I Rise

Maya Angelou, 1928 – 2014

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I’ll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
‘Cause I walk like I’ve got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I’ll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops,
Weakened by my soulful cries?

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don’t you take it awful hard
‘Cause I laugh like I’ve got gold mines
Diggin’ in my own backyard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I’ll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I’ve got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history’s shame
I rise
Up from a past that’s rooted in pain
I rise
I’m a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.

Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.

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Gone far too soon…

Gone far too soon…

My family in Pennsylvania received some terrible news this past Tuesday.  My step-cousin Robby unexpectedly passed away at the young age of 28. In truth I mostly knew him as a young boy before they moved away from New York, but I have no bad memories. Regardless, when I found out it felt as though someone punched through my chest and grabbed my heart. My sadness runs deep for his two small children who are his spitting image, his step-father (my uncle), his sister (my cousin), and his two nieces (my little cousins). I just can’t shake it. I hate death but especially so when they are so young. I cannot even imagine the pain that his family and friends are going through. I feel helpless so I am trying to do all I can to drum up support during their time of great need.

My cousin set up a GoFundMe, Help put Big Show to Rest, to help pay for the funeral expenses and to provide for his children. Life is hard and it becomes extra challenging when a wrench like this is thrown into the spokes.

I know asking people for money can sometimes be a thorny issue but here I am anyway asking anyone out there if you could please donate. If you can’t donate please share it. I am not one that asks much from people but this is breaking my heart.

“Rob unexpectedly passed away this morning. At this moment, we are not exactly sure why this has happened. Robby was just beginning to love life again after facing so many trials and tribulations recently. Rob aka Joe Ali aka Big Show was always willing to help every one around him. He had the biggest heart in which sometimes he wore on his sleeves. He loved Mercedes and Lil Rob so much. We want to send Robby home the most peaceful way possible. The money raised will be used for Robs service and the rest will be put into an account for the kids when they get older in robs name. Any donation is appreciated. Thank you”

*Featured image is of Rob and his niece. You can tell how much he loved her from that amazing smile. The same goes for all his pictures. Always smiling with those babies.

What is happening to Title IX Protections?

So I hopped on the internet yesterday and found myself inundated with the latest doom and gloom headlines. This time revolving around the issues of Title IX protections for sexual assault victims. As an abuse survivor my immediate thoughts are to be outraged. It seems like almost every dam day there is something new to be outraged about. I can’t do this anymore. My brain is telling me that… can they just do that? Do they hate people that much? Why would you not want protections for sexual assault victims? That’s just pure common sense right? So I took a day before I decided to dive in and read about what the f is going on. What I found out was quite startling! CLICK TO READ MORE!!!! Continue reading

What are my VITALS?

What are my VITALS?

I open this blog post with a quote from Gretchen Rubin. I currently do not know much about her other than what I read briefly in her bio and this awesome quote I relate to so much!

“My first commandment is to “Be Gretchen”—yet it’s very hard to know myself.  I get so distracted by the way I wish I were, or the way I assume I am, that I lose sight of what’s actually true.”

Continue reading

Yes, time anxiety is a real thing!

Yes, time anxiety is a real thing!

One of my more debilitating anxieties to date is that which I have with time. My time anxiety has often left me feeling very panicky. My heart thumps out of my chest. My hands get all cold and shaky. And depending on what is going on at the moment I find myself have difficulty focusing. I read two articles trying to gather some background info on time anxiety. I wondered if it was a real thing since sometimes people like to poke fun at it… like how I was afraid of missing the boat when we went on the cruise two weeks ago…. My goodness has it really been that long???  Is it really September???? You know honestly I feel time is moving too fast. I mean geez Christmas, New Years, and birthdays have been whipping around at what feels like light speed. Every year I get older and I still don’t even know if I want kids! The panic is real people the panic is real. Continue reading

Divided we fall…

Divided we fall…

I am at a loss for words but I am going to try to find some.  I have to come realize that the world today moves from one big story to the next without time for reset. The internet is constantly renewing itself with a plethora of information, whether based in fact or not, that can most of the time feel overwhelming to sift through.  The internet is also chock full of people, who from the safety of the other side of the computer, spew hatred and hand out judgements out to people they don’t approve of… as if their approval is needed for someone’s pure existence. Negativity outweighs the positive and creates this feeling of panic. As I write this my hands are cold and shaky. My heart is beating terribly fast and all I want to do is run home to my bed and hide there until the world is safe again.  I feel the urge to erase that last statement because people like to turn that around and call you names like snowflake or libtard. They cannot fathom that depression, anxiety, and fear are real things people feel. They rather poke fun at it and give it a name.  But I will leave it. To delete it is to erase a piece of my story. Continue reading

Cruising for the first time!

Cruising for the first time!

Last week I had my first experience vacationing on a cruise. The whole family, including my fiancé, took a Carnival Cruise down to Grand Turk, Half Moon Cay, and Freeport, Bahamas. So yup I have been absent again but with good reason… the internet access was terrible! We paid seventy something dollars and couldn’t get pages to load all week. I kid… it was for the best because well… vacation! Here is a breakdown of how it all went down plus pictures. Continue reading