Rant: Opinions and personal space

Rant: Opinions and personal space

There was a post I came across in a group I am that asked for opinions on the following shirt…

FGF_FatBitch_Black-1.png

The poster was soliciting opinions on whether or not people would wear it. It is a yes or no answer with an optional corresponding reason for why you would or wouldn’t wear it. I originally said I would but changed my mind. I would not wear it because of the word bitch. I am not at all offended or bothered by the word fat. I’m also not all that offended by the word bitch either… I just think it inappropriate to wear on a shirt. That is my opinion. I do not begrudge others from wearing. You like it rock it because it’s none of my business.

Drama happened like it always does when you have a group of people on the internet with various opinions chiming in on any subject matter. That is perfectly fine. However, I draw the line when an opinion becomes a judgement on people’s personal space (no one is perfect I am sure I have said things without thinking how it is judgy… I am probably doing it right now…).  However, like clockwork there was that one person that took it beyond themselves and decided it smart to cover all wearers of this shirt under the same blanket. This commenter posted that she thinks anyone that would wear this shirt needs to go get some self-esteem because they are clearly insecure and that wearing this shirt is just self-depreciation. She received replies from other women stating how they would wear it and they are perfectly secure with themselves and happy. Others stated that it is not self-depreciation because it is reclaiming the word fat from people who try to use it as an insult. She disagreed and maintained her stance.

Firstly, I don’t like blanket statements. I don’t believe in black and white. The world is full of many hues of gray. Not all cops are bad. Not all blacks are criminals. Not all whites are supremacists. Not all religious people are nuts. Not all men are assholes. Not all thin people are healthy. Not all fat people are unhealthy or insecure.

Secondly, I don’t believe that opinions have a place in someone’s personal space. The size of someone’s body, what they eat, what they generally look like, and what they decided to put on it is no one’s business. This is their personal space. You have no say over it. If someone says that wearing a shirt that says “Fat Bitch” doesn’t mean they are insecure it’s not your place to continue to say it does. If you think it is gross that a fat person wants to wear a bikini to the beach it is not your place to tell them they cannot do so.

You don’t like the shirt don’t buy it and wear it. End of story. End of your opinion. Once you move past that and start critiquing others on why they would wear the shirt you begin to enter different territory. If someone responds and tells you that you’re wrong that wearing the shirt does not make them insecure… believe them and move on.

I have a problem with this kind of attitude and call me out if I am wrong I won’t bite.

D: Dance away the stress

D: Dance away the stress

I love to dance around. Especially when I am alone and cleaning (it makes the chore seem less of a chore!) The most listened to stations on my Pandora app are 80s pop/rock music. I love me some 80s music. However, my overall taste in music is pretty much everywhere. If I like it and it has a good sound I’m going to give it a listen! Continue reading

My First Post Revisited

My First Post Revisited

One of my longest blogging buddies Giggling Fattie tagged me for the #MyFirstPostRevisited challenge.

I will be stealing What Sandra Thinks corrected rules! I want to participate but then my annoying inner insecure self doesn’t want to bother people. I never get bothered by these just so you all know! I enjoy them.

Here’s what I’m supposed to going to do…

» Copy and paste your old post into a new post or reblog your own bad self. (Either way is fine but NO editing.)
» Put the hashtag #MyFirstPostRevisited in your title.
» Tag five other bloggers to take up this challenge.
» Notify your tags in the comment section of their blog
» Feel free to cut and paste the badge to use in your post.
» Include the rules in your post.

I think a reintroduction is a great idea. My blog has grown significantly since I began nearly a year and a half ago. I think at times I have stepped away from what I said my goals were when I began. However, the more I thought about it the more I realized that this blog often flows with the way my mind works… jumping to random topics. I have worked all that out… after all it is my blog!  Without further ado here is my very first post But let me first write an introduction. It was done probably 2 to 3 weeks after I signed up with WordPress. I was overwhelmed by the emptiness of my newly minted blog that I waited for one of the Blogging 101 classes to begin before I posted anything. It was a fun class that brought me to many of you!

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I would like to begin my blogging adventure with a short introduction and intent for what I will be sharing with whoever stumbles across my ramblings. My name is Stephanie and I am 33 year old woman from New York City. Like so many people I have had a life long struggle with allowing others to shape my opinions of myself. Over the past year my life has changed in so many profound ways that I have had this nagging feeling to write about it. That is why I have begun this blog. I am blogging publicly because I want to join in the body positive revolution by contributing my story and journey in hopes of helping others. I also want to contribute to the fight to end emotional, mental, and physical abuse. I hope to inspire others to do the same because no two peoples’ stories are the similar. We may share in the struggle but we each handle them in our own unique ways. We can learn from one another. Form a community with a stronghold of support. It took me decades to finally get a grip on myself and now I want to extend the invitation to join me on my journey to sustainable happiness and self-acceptance.

The title of this blog, “When I thought I was fat,” was born from my constant complaining about how “I wish I was the weight I was when I thought I was fat.” A mouth full I know, hence the shorter title, but for me, there is no truer statement. Ever since I was around six years old I believed myself to look like a “rollie pollie.” This was a result of how adults spoke to me and how it made me feel. From my cheerleading coaches to family members, no one was exempt from my overpowering abilities to let the words of others shape my self-esteem as I grew up.

Yet now when I look at old photographs of myself I do not see a “rollie pollie.” I see an active child. An athletic child. A child capable of doing all the same things, and sometimes even more, than children that were considered “thin” or “light.” I see a young high school girl that wore clothes that were entirely too big to hide this hideous thing people called “fat.” Yet I sit here now typing my first blog 70 pounds away from my high school weight wishing so bad to get that number back.

I began diets every Monday. Meal skipped. Joined a gym. Began weight watchers. Gave up. Rejoined a gym. Rejoined weight watchers. Starved myself. I was stressed and living in an unhealthy environment where I was made to feel worthless by a man who claimed to care for me. I wasn’t good enough as I was. I wasn’t pretty until I was thin. I didn’t deserve the respect of a man until I was thin. Everything was just on the other side of the “until I was thin.” All this accumulated to my highest weight of 338 lbs. Last June I joined weight watchers for the last time. Ditched the gym because I discovered long walks worked best for me. Through the support of my family, friends, weight watchers groups, and therapy, I have learned to take things day by day. I learned that I am more than just a number on a scale. I learned to be happy with myself as I am now. I have not mastered self-acceptance perfectly but I am so much stronger than I was two years ago.

 

I love myself but I want to lose weight…

I love myself but I want to lose weight…

I believe in being body positive. I believe in everyone loving themselves as they are and not needing to force change. I tell people all the time how they should not care what others think. I tell them that they are beautiful and that if someone has negative shit to say that it is a reflection on the person speaking and not themselves.  When I tell people these things I am being the utmost sincere. I don’t say what I don’t mean. The only problem is when I am speaking these things to myself. Continue reading