Partner is by definition a person who comes together with another person in an undertaking with a shared outcome. By moving in together that is exactly what we did. I often fret about whether or not I am holding my even share in this wonderful venture. Living with him as been one of the easiest things I have ever done. It feels natural like I was always suppose to be here… in this place… creating our home and building our lives.
Yet I am nagged by the fact that I can’t remember the last time I cooked something. My guess would be around last December. Yet I never go hungry. Even when he is not around the leftovers sustain me until his return. I am not kidding. This past week I made a fritta and Brussels sprouts stretch four days! I am tired of eggs, but I didn’t have to buy any of the overpriced food they try to sell around where I work. And when he is home… my dinner is always packed and ready to go for the next day. I am hardly around during the week between my hours and the time it takes to commute back and forth. He has made this work transition so seamless for me.
However, I really should cook on the weekends when I am home. I really should. But then does things like making pizza or BBQ chicken. It’s soooooo good. I can’t compete with his kitchen skills. Flavors come natural to him. He can wing something and it will be a party in my stomach. He says he loves to cook and I am forever grateful for that… but I don’t want him to feel like he always HAS to cook. I know my way around a kitchen just not as well. I try to compensate for my lack of cooking by keeping up with the laundry, dusting, and vacuuming…. the last two I been slacking on due to the fact I hate dust and there is cat hair EVERYWHERE. Yet that is only one day a week. His underwear may be clean but I eat everyday! Then again he does wear clean clothes everyday… it’s the same thing right?
I should stop being paranoid about my lack of cooking hours. I should take my solace in the fact that if he didn’t like something he wouldn’t do it. I should believe that I do in fact bring my fair share to this relationship. I’ve done a lot of growing in the past two years. I fixed my credit. I have a back account even though I hate banks. I am not longer miserable at work because I found a job in the path I have chosen as my career. It’s not perfect but nothing ever is really. Most importantly, to me anyway, I am in a healthy relationship with the man I love and want to spend the rest of my days. Yet I can’t kick these dam insecurities. I feel like a character that is having trouble developing!
Symptom of happiness
My hands are tingling
and are beginning to shake,
My emotions intermingling,
Did I just catch a break?
This anxiety I’m feeling
is not impending doom,
My insides are reeling
and yet no thoughts of gloom
The road was rough
many lessons needed learning,
What didn’t kill me made me tough
while my stripes I was earning,
Love renewed my soul
and is the only thing that’s real,
It mended me whole
as it began to peel,
All that negative energy
that surrounded my mind,
Locked it far in my memory
with a key I’ll never find,
I learned to be optimistic,
So what should appear?
I’ll keep this simplistic
I have a brand new career!
I made a false assumption these past few months. I believed that because my cat knows me, and what I assume loves me, that he would have no issue moving into our home. We made all the necessary preparations. I mean we had the best preparations. The greatest preparations. No one knows preparations better than us. Believe me ask anyone.
I mean on Sunday, we went to Target and purchased all of the stuff! The litter box, litter, food and water dishes, a scratchy pad, cat food, AND a kitty snack! Not to mention the CAT NIP… what is not to love about all these great preparations! All that was missing was the cat!
The food was moved into the kitchen but this was were we planned on making his space!
It is the fourth day into the New Year and my first going back to work. I loved my vacation. I didn’t go anywhere but I didn’t have to go to work so that was a win right? I know I complain sometimes about my job but I am happy to have one. I just now want a better one! Continue reading
Yesterday I was lucky enough to be among the witness of the sacred bonding between two of my best friends. It was a joy and refreshing to see the excitement and pure happiness on their faces as they exchanged vows. Tear flowed from my eyes totally messing up my makeup but all good!
As I sat in the reception all looking around at them and everyone else I began to put love into the bigger picture. I consider myself super lucky to be with who I consider the most awesomest man on earth. Yet everyone should think of their significant other that way. We may not all be perfect people but we are perfect to the ones who love us. We are all lucky!
Yup I threw a bunch of cliches at cha! My brain is still on yesterday catching up with me.
Anywho here are some pics.
The cute cake topper
Peep that bride and groom!
This man is mine!
Sweet dreams aren’t made of these
I dare you to disagree!
As you all know by now I am a survivor of Domestic Violence. I talk about it frequently because it is part of my life and writing about it helps me heal. After this past US election I decided that I need to do more than just talk about my past. I need to be more of an advocate with things I believe in. Continue reading